


dead and gone

by lapinprince



Category: Persona 5
Genre: Bad Ending, Implied Relationships, M/M, Mentioned Niijima Sae, Non-Graphic Violence, Spoilers to 11/20, Stream of Consciousness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-21
Updated: 2017-11-21
Packaged: 2019-02-05 00:53:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,286
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12783372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lapinprince/pseuds/lapinprince
Summary: he knew that if he was stupid enough to fall from his convictions, it’d all slip between his fingers. and so he pushed forward, hands balled up tight in his pockets, leaving all that went unsaid behind him like a crumb trail in a deep and dark forest.





	dead and gone

**Author's Note:**

> um i wrote this in like two hours i hope you enjoy it 
> 
> i really like writing stream of consciousness shit and i like getting into akechis head so why not ??! theres a slight emeto warning later on in the fic but its v mild.
> 
> anywwwayyy. have fun. poke me on twitter at @[laprincenico](https://twitter.com/laprincenico)
> 
> -♔

he doesn’t want to do this. 

no, he had decided that he does. 

no matter, just a useless decision and agreement with his own conscience, all words that would just make him feel better really, nothing that would escape from the shaky corners of his mind. it all was such a vicious cycle; he feels certain, then rethinks a step of his plan and hesitates, reminds himself that he already decided that this is what he wanted, and then he moves on with just an ounce more of confidence that evaporates just as quickly as it came.

even if he changes his mind, it’s already too late. akechi nears the end of the hallway, breathing fabricated and even as the grey haired woman turns to face him. 

he can’t quite process what she says, and what he says in return-- all he knows was that possibly his last lifeline was slipping out of his grasp, and part of him wonders how she didn’t know what he was planning and why she didn’t even try to stop him. stupid woman. stupid, stupid woman. for a moment, he feels almost betrayed, hypocritical considering how he was the traitor. stupid. of course she wouldn’t know why he was here, his planning is too perfect to have slipped up, too precise for it all to fall out of place.

that’s right, it was perfect. the only thing that could happen would be if regret rushed to him too early, if his pesky emotions got in the way before he could pull the trigger, and a single moment of hesitation could just be his downfall. but no, he had calculated this too obsessively for this to fail, the stupid delinquent would be cuffed up and probably drugged up too, even _he_ couldn’t do a thing now. 

akechi grits his teeth. but if anybody can break through, it has to be akira. that fucking trash, doing nothing but criminal goddamn activity and having everyone fawn over him in ways that just felt more genuine than his own fans, all this love that he was absolutely lavished in, effortlessly basking in everything akechi had wanted and worked for and never had. and he already told himself that he wasn’t jealous but every time he thinks of those smug grey eyes it drives him forward with more conviction, more intent, and he thinks that if he hates him he could just drive a damn bullet through his brain without a second thought and he _just can’t wait_ to see the shock in his-- his--

\-- his kind eyes, the pleasant smile that spread on his face whenever akechi walked into leblanc, ordering whatever he wanted to serve him, smelling the warmth of coffee and the feeling of home in that roughly built wooden cafe, and he really did mean it when he said he felt like he could be himself there, all those times where he wished everything were different and he could just _be_ and the feeling of guilt whenever their lips touched, when he could close his eyes and feel the warmth of the boy in his arms, and he could feel-- just feel--

\-- feel nothing. stone cold concrete sinks deep in his gut as the elevator doors open, his eyes unreadable and his pace balanced and even. he’s numb when he says something in a sickly sweet voice to the guard requesting that he come into the interrogation room with him and the idiot agrees and he follows akechi into the room to his execution. he still feels nothing as he expertly disarms the guard of his gun and the poor man crumples to the ground, blood pouring from the wound his hand is clutching, eyes stunned open.

one down. a slight smile spreads on akechi’s face as he adjusts his grip on the gun, the tip of the barrel still smoking light wisps. he faces akira, studies the bruised and battered face of the boy, eyes wide and eyebrows lifted as if he was so stupid as for this to come at a complete surprise-- as if this wouldn’t have been a complete surprise.

he could say nothing. he could just do it. but akechi dons the mantle of a villain again and the words that come out don’t quite make sense to him, you were all just part of my plan, now for the final piece, say your last words, a dialogue that felt like it belonged to a cartoon antagonist when poised to kill the protagonist and akechi snarls at himself because he didn’t _want_ to be the villain, he wanted to be the _hero,_ he deserved more than this.

akira is infuriatingly quiet through this, and he notices now that his hands are sitting on the table, plain of any restraints and part of akechi wishes that akira would stop him and part of akechi wants to go back and redo it all and the rest of akechi steels himself for the fall as he sees his hand move up to press the gun against akira’s pale forehead. akira does nothing, just sits patiently in the chair. 

“...why aren’t you saying anything,” akechi mumbles, eyes boring into akira’s. 

“there’s nothing to say, is there?” akira replies, so effortless, he’s about to die and yet he still says stupid lines like these and akechi hates how it works. “did you want me to say something?” he continues, his voice level and calm, frustratingly calm. akechi opens his mouth in response, but akira straightens his back and almost presses back against the gun with his forehead. a challenge.

“are you expecting a love confession? for me to pour my heart out to you in hopes that you’ll put the gun away and we walk out of here together?” 

“shut up.”

“that wouldn’t stop you, goro. i know it wouldn’t.” 

“shut _up._ ”

“you’re set on killing me. you’ve already made that clear. so why are you hesitating?”

he’s bluffing. there’s nothing to gain with getting him riled up, and akechi shakes in anger at everything akira left unsaid, draped nastily amongst his words, the insinuation that everything wasn’t real and was all just a lead up til now, which was untrue, he didn’t want it to be true--

“i bet you didn’t even love me,” akira says with venom, and if he’s purposefully trying to get him angry it was working, working too well.

“ _i did._ ” akechi feels the words rip out of his throat as his finger squeezes the trigger, and the second after it’s too late he sees the gentle expression on akira’s face, his peaceful smile and his eyes closed shut, and he realizes what akira was trying to do but it’s too late, too goddamn late.

akechi drops the gun in shock as akira’s body teeters over and splatters messily onto the table. it’s not supposed to be like this. he was supposed to feel _nothing_ , and the bile rising up in his throat certainly wasn’t that.

“i’m... i’m so sorry,” he whispers, hastily shoving the gun into akira’s hand, so many words he could have said, so many things he wanted to hear from akira but he was too fucking selfish for any of it. 

“i’m sorry,” he repeats, refusing to look at akira’s body as he leaves the room, shaking with apologies that wouldn’t be heard anymore.

he crosses the threshold of the door and he convinces himself that he’s fine again, his plan fell into place after all. he straightens his back and slows his breathing, his mind in the process of justifying what he did, and his head continues this cycle until any trace of kurusu akira was left in the interrogation room.

**Author's Note:**

> bye akira


End file.
